Just Go With It - Part 1

Fic Title: Just Go With It (1/?)Chapter Title: Loss, Or Something Like ItRating: Probably PG13 Pairing: Xabi Alonso/Steven GerrardDisclaimer: Except for the fact that Liverpool did loose twice to Chelsea in five days, this story is one big, fat lie.Summary: After a crushing defeat by Chelsea, Steven wants to be left alone. Xabi will have none of that however.Feedback: is love!Author's note: Thanks so much to my beta and fellow shipper c0v89. This is my first RPS and my first X/S fic, so feedback would be very much apreciated!Warnings: Eh.. Pretty much none, except that this is slash. Don't like, don't read.Slamming of lockers, low voices; the heavy atmosphere. Steven feels all of it but he doesn't look up to see it. It can't get much worse than this. 0-0 five days ago and bloody 1-4 today and against Chelsea of all sodding teams. Rafa will have his fit tomorrow. He knows the others are trying to avoid him as he sits there on his usual bench, face resting in his hands, trying to shut the harsh reality out for as long as possible. As the door slams shut for what he thinks is the last time, he feels it's safe to look up. No blaming looks his way. No patronizing words he's not sure he can bear to hear; because he knows he hasn't deserved them.At that moment it hits him that he's just been acting like the worst coward ever. He's supposed to be the captain, the one who lifts their spirits when it's been crushed like tonight. Instead he's been keeping to his own little world for what, three quarters of an hour, trying to ignore the fact that they've just lost big time and that his fellow team mates are probably just as disappointed and angry as he is. Why is he the only one allowing himself to react in this childish fashion? Thinking these thoughts is definitely not helping. He gets up, strips himself of the mucky, wet kit and makes for the showers. The typical echo of locker rooms is loud and he suddenly wishes he hadn't stayed behind. At the same time he's very glad he doesn't have to take the bus with the team tonight and that he's got the house to himself later on. Alex is away with the girls visiting whoever it was, he can't remember right now. Everything is pretty much a blur, so he finishes the shower in a hurry; not wanting to linger in that room for longer than necessary. A couple of minutes later, he's dressed, found his car keys and is in the process of pulling on his jacket when he hears the door open and close silently behind him. He freezes."Stevie."Steven's shoulders visibly relax as he recognises Xabi's voice. Before he can say anything, he feels a hand on his shoulder, turning him around to face his Spanish friend. He manages a low 'Hi' before looking down and Xabi can barely catch the next two words, "I'm sorry." Xabi sighs and reaches to lift his chin up, their eyes locking. "I don't want to hear any of that. Ever. No one can do this better than you and every one of us support you as our captain, because you're good at what you do. So don't even try making it sound like today was all your fault, okay?"Steven just nods, not taking his eyes from Xabi's. He notices the specks of green amidst the brown and it occurs to him how dangerous it is to stare into those eyes for too long a time. At least for him. And especially now that he's so out of it and could so easily do things he'll regret later on.Xabi looks as if he's trying to read his mind, but after a few moments of silence, he pats Steven's shoulder."Come on, let's go to my place." He reaches down and pulls up the zipper on Steven's jacket. Xabi looks up at him, fixing him with an intense gaze. "Unless you'd rather be alone of course, although I'm not sure that's wise. I don't want you to go and do things you'll regret." He grins and Steven's mouth pulls up into a smile too, despite himself. How can he ever feel out of it around this man?He picks up his bag and follows Xabi out. There are no other cars in the parking lot, save for his own and Xabi's. "Yours can stay here until tomorrow, no?" Xabi asks as he unlocks his own. Steven merely nods. He'll apparently stay on the couch tonight.They don't say much during the drive from Anfield to Xabi's place. Just a few swear words from Xabi as he has to pull the breaks rather hard to avoid crashing into the car that just pulled out in front of him. Steven usually finds it a bit amusing when Xabi curses in Spanish like that, but tonight he merely shrugs. Twenty minutes later, Steven has made himself comfortable on one end of the couch as Xabi hands him a beer, before taking place in the opposite end. They take a few sips in silence, both lost in thought. Steven is starting to get annoyed with himself. Why can't he just let the thoughts of the bloody match go? It's not like he can change it by thinking more about it.He shakes his head and looks up at the sound of Xabi chuckling slightly. "What?" he asks, a bit harsher than intended. Xabi pulls himself together a bit. "You're easy to read, that's all."Steven ponders this for a second before raising his eyebrows and taking another sip of beer. He desperately hopes that he isn't that easy to see through as Xabi claims."Stop worrying, Stevie. It's not like it'll change anything anyway. We can only learn from this if we look at it from an analytic point. And you know as well as I do that we'll do plenty of that with Rafa tomorrow, so there's no need starting now." He leans back on the armrest, his hair falling into his eyes and he blows it away, just to make it fall even more messily across his forehead. Steven nods. Xabi's right. He always is; which makes him wonder out loud."I must admit, I thought I had you figured, but there's still one thing that I don't understand.""Just one?" Xabi winks at him, but Steven forces himself to ignore it."How do you remain so composed in situations like this? Look at me, I'm up in arms because of the match, and you simply ask me to accompany you to your place and have a beer. What am I doing wrong here?" Xabi straightens slightly, his eyes never leaving Steven's."That's the problem, Stevie. You're not doing anything." Steven looks at him in mock wonder. What the hell?"I mean, you do a lot. You work really hard with the training and the team, always trying to do your best. What I mean is that whenever things like today happens, you get angry with yourself because you feel like you haven't met the demands set, mostly, by yourself. You get angry because you believe you can't allow yourself to take a wrong turn once in a while." He pauses, takes another sip; thinks for a moment before continuing. "Just because you're captain doesn't mean that you can't make mistakes, Stevie. It just means that you have to pay more attention to what mistakes the rest of us make, and have us learn from them. By all means, set high standards for yourself, but don't let them pull you down for so long every time you don't meet them. You have to pay more attention to the positive things, and since that isn't always easy in situations like this, you have to make an effort to find those things." Steven hates how Xabi's descriptions of him and his thoughts are always, always, so damn accurate. Perhaps he is a bloody mind reader."Do you remember Istanbul?"Stevie smiles. "How can I ever forget?" Xabi sits up. "Exactly. We were good then, we were the best. What I'm saying is that just because we loose a game now and then doesn't mean we'll never be the best again."He puts his beer on the table and motions for Steven to do the same, then scoots closer, putting a hand on Steven’s shoulder. "Try picturing that evening every time you're feeling down. Tell yourself that the downfalls only make the victories sweeter. Believe me, it works." Steven ponders this for a second and figures out that it’s not too farfetched an idea. After all, Istanbul is the best memory he's got stored.He's pulled quickly out of his thoughts at the feeling of Xabi leaning against him, his breath hot on his neck and a whisper in his ear."Come to think of it, I believe there are things from that night you remember more vividly than others." The atmosphere changes instantly and Steven swears he just turned at least three shades redder at those words. Like he could ever forget. He had thought he had himself figured out before that night. It had been a not-to-be-mentioned-again kind of happening. But it had definitely made him think things over. He questioned himself, wondering what the feelings were all about, and when he realized, he concluded that he couldn't act on them. Not then. Never.Apparently Xabi didn't think of it the same way he did. His train of thoughts are cut off by the feeling of soft lips on his neck, slowly kissing their way along his jaw line, up and down his neck, everywhere they can reach and finally, they stop on the corner of his mouth, the hot breath driving him fucking insane."You know what you want, Stevie. Take it." Steven swallows, the whispered words on his lips making him shiver. He tries to hold onto his final restraints, because this is not smart. Not at all. But God, it feels good.A hand is in his hair, moving down slightly, circling, comforting, pulling him closer. A kiss on his neck, lingering, a sharp breath escaping him as teeth scrape lightly across his skin. A hand circling his waist. Spanish words flowing ever so lightly. Not that they make much sense to him. They efficintly breaks down his self-control like hot water on ice. Not that he cares anymore. "How the hell do you always know what to say?" he asks in a strained whisper, trying hard not to get distracted by the hand tracing the waistline of his jeans.Xabi merely smiles mischievously, a longing flash in his eyes."I told you, you are easy to read," he whispers back. The next thing Steven knows, lips are upon his, stealing his breath with their intensity. He can do nothing else than recieve what he is given, being slowly backed up against the back of the couch. At the first given opurtunity however, he pulls away slightly. He's about to talk, but Xabi places a finger on his lips, silencing him."Just go with it. Do what you want for once."Steven nods slightly, a hand moving up around Xabi's neck. Steven looks at him for a moment before he throws caution to the wind and brushes his lips tentativly across Xabi's. The reaction from the Spaniard is instant as he relaxes into Steven's embrace, exhaling slowly. The scent of something that is just so Stevie is making him lightheaded and out of breath. Christ, he has missed the feel of those lips so, so badly. “What is it about you, Stevie?”The heavy breaths on Steven's face is making his thoughts colide. Making it impossible to form coherent sentences. Lips close to his ear again, Xabi's whispered words is sending shivers of pleasure down his spine.“How is it that only you can make me lose my mind like this?”Those words spark a fire in him. A fire that's been looming beneath the surface for the past days, weeks, months. He kisses the soft spot beneath Xabi's ear. At his sharp intake of breath, he sucks gently, burrying a hand in Xabi's hair, holding him in place.Two strong hands presses against his chest, making him shudder, but Xabi merely chuckles softly as he pushes him down on the couch. The feeling of Xabi's body fitting so perfectly against his is driving him absolutely crazy with suppressed want as he runs his hands up under Xabi's black shirt, feeling rather than hearing the muffled sigh he gets in response. Xabi was right again. It's best to just go with it.